SHE’S A SELFLESS GIRLFRIEND
I never expected her to ask me this. Malaki ang respeto ko sa kaniya at kailanman ay hindi ko siya pinilit na may mangyari sa aming dalawa.
“Are you sure?”
“I really am, Josh. Please?” saad niya.
Kunot noo ko siyang tiningnan— ‘di pa rin makapaniwala kung bakit niya ako niyayaya sa bagay na alam kung hindi siya sigurado.
We’ve been together for almost seven years. Since then, I’ve been madly in love with her, and I’m sure she feels the same way.
She was really different from the other girls I have met before. She wasn’t perfect, but all her imperfections were just so perfect in my eyes.
I met her when we were in high school because she was the girl that caught my attention without doing anything.
“Are you really sure?” tanong ko ulit sa kaniya.
I know she was not sure about this but when I looked directly into her eyes, I could see her intense desire for me. It seems that she really wanted us to do that thing. Maya-maya pa ay sinunggaban niya ako ng halik at nangyari na nga ang hindi dapat mangyari.
Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala hanggang ngayon na may nangyari sa ‘min. I entered into a relationship not because of s*x, but because of the peculiar feelings that I felt towards her that I could not explain.
My feelings for her are genuine, thus aren’t shallow.
“Why d-did you give it to me?” I asked her, stuttering because my palms were sweaty and my heart was beating so mad against my chest; still couldn’t believe what happened.
“May rason ba dapat ‘yon para gawin? Ang alam ko lang mahal na mahal kita kaya ko ibinigay sa ‘yo iyon.”
Napangiti nalang ako nang wala sa oras. Kinikilig ako na ewan. I don’t know why, but one thing is certain: I really love her, and it would break my heart if one day she realized she no longer cared for me.
Ayoko ‘yon mangyari kaya ayaw kong guwama ng mga bagay na alam kong magagalit at masasaktan siya.
“Anong gusto mong gawin pagkatapos ng graduation natin?” tanong ko habang nakakulong siya sa mga bisig ko.
“Hmmm…”
I kissed the back of her neck while she’s thinking about what she wanted us to do next month.
“Gusto kong mag travel. Gusto kong pumunta sa beach, mag hiking, kumain nang kung ano ano… basta kasama ka, Josh,” sambit niya.
“Okay. We’ll do all of tha…” hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko nang may pumatak na luha sa mga kamay ko. “Why are you crying, mahal? Is there any problem?” nagtatakang tanong ko.
“W-wala… ano ka ba. Masaya lang ako dahil nahanap ko na ang lalaking para sa ‘kin kaya thank you. I love you, Josh!”
“I love you too, mahal.”
Right after our graduation ay ginawa nga namin ang lahat ng gusto niya. Ito na ata ang pinakamasaya naming sandali, dahil kami lang na dalawa ang magkasama at parang ayoko nang matapos pa ang araw na ito dahil alam kong pagbalik namin ay magiging abala na kami sa pagrereview para sa board exam namin.
After a month of reviewing, unti-unti kong namamasdan na parang pumapayat siya at palagi siyang nagsusuka na animo’y may pinagbu-buntis.
“Di kaya buntis siya?” I murmured in the air.
“Okay ka lang ba, Bea?” nag-aalalang tanong ko.
Nilapitan ko siya. Pinaharap ko siya sa ‘kin because I’m worried. It seemed that there’s something wrong because her lips… they were really pale.
“I’m okay. Don’t worry, mahal. Kulang lang ata ako sa tulog… ipahinga ko nalang ‘to.”
It just happened over and over, and I found out she was pregnant. I don’t know how I’d react when she said it to me. It was so sudden… and quite unexpected, pero masayang masaya ako dahil magiging tatay na ako.
From that day onwards, our relationship became stronger. Iba pala ang feeling na magiging ama kana. Magiging mas responsible ka, mas aalagaan mo ang babaeng mahal mo, at mas lalong mamahalin.
Upon reaching Bea’s condo, I kept on smiling because of the thought that we will be having a date today. Kilig na kilig pa rin ako na animo’y unang date pa lang namin ito.
I’m so fvcking madly in love with her.
Mabilis kong pinatakbo ang sasakyan ko kaya mabilis din akong nakarating sa condo ni Bea.
She was still taking a bath so I went to the kitchen first to drink water. I was about to drink it when her phone rang. I suddenly searched for her phone, and luckily, I found it on the couch. It was her mom. Walang pag-aalinlangan sinagot ko ito dahil kilala naman ako ni tita.
“W-why did your dad tell me that you didn’t want to undergo chemotherapy? God, B-bea, your cancer is getting worse! Hindi mo na nga iniinom ang mga gamot mo, pati ba naman pagpapa-chemo ayaw mo pa?…” Tita said over...

the phone.
Without any second, the glass of water in my hand suddenly fell as my tears started streaming down my face.
I still couldn’t fully grasp what I heard over the phone. Really? She has… cancer? Wtf.
CANCER?
“T-tita, si Josh po it…” hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko nang humagulhol na ako at kasabay nang pag labas ni Bea sa room niya.
I froze at my place even Bea couldn’t move. My body was shaking as my lips trembled violently. Hindi ko siya kayang tingnan… nagagalit ako sa sarili ko.
Para akong batang inagawan ng candy. Hindi pa rin mai-proseso ng utak ko ang impormasyong narinig ko. Hindi ko matanggap.
“Hindi ko kaya… Si Bea…”
Patuloy lang sa pagtulo ang mga luha sa mata ko. Hindi ko kayang tingnan si Bea na alam kong malala ang kalagayan niya.
With an agonizing chest and a heavy heart, I slowly looked at her with tears in my eyes. Hindi pa rin siya maka alis sa pwesto niya.
Without any doubt in my head, tinakbo ko na siya at mabilis na niyakap nang mahigpit.
Hagulhol lamang naming dalawa ang maririnig sa apat na sulok ng kaniyang condo.
“B-bakit hindi mo sa ‘kin sinabi, mahal?… Sana kung panaginip man ito ay magising na ako… A-ayoko rito, Bea. Gisingin mo ako… Please?” I could feel the terrible tightening of my chest and the depressing constriction of my heart.
Paano ko ‘to tatanggapin? If she has cancer… and she’s pregnant, she didn’t allow to undergo chemo since it would affect the baby in her womb.
“Y-you didn’t want to undergo chemo because of our baby? M-mahal, your life is at risk…” I growled.
My mother died because of cancer and I witnessed all her pain. She cried in too much pain every night that gave me a trauma that was embedded in my entire being. I was just 6-year-old kid at that time, and until now, it’s still fresh and lingering in my system.
Bea stared at me with so many tears and she weakly smiled.
“T-tanggap ko na, Josh. I choose to stop taking my meds and not to undergo chemo because of our baby… I choose them over me, Josh. Oo. Twin sila hahaha” she laughed in pain.
Walang tigil sa pag-agos ang mga luha ko. Wala ba talagang ibang paraan para mailigtas sila?
“Is there any way to save you and the babies? Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa ‘kin? Wala na bang ibang paraan kasi hindi ko kaya… hindi ko kayang may mawala sa inyo, Bea… Hindi ko kakayanin!”
“Sorry, ayoko lang na mag-alala ka. Alam kong kaya mo, Josh. Naniniwala ako sa ‘yo. Sana… kapag nawala ako…” she paused. “…alagaan mo nang mabuti ang mga anak natin. ‘Di ba pangarap mo ‘yon? Bigyan mo nang magandang buhay ang anak natin… mahalin mo sila gaya ng pagmamahal mo sa ‘kin.” she continued as her tears continue streaming down her face.
“Am I selfless, Josh? Selfless ba ako na pinili ko ang baby natin kaysa sa akin? Mapapatawad kaya nila ako pag laki nila dahil iniwan ko sila at lalaki silang walang ina?”
Naninikip ang dibdib ko dahil sa mga sinasabi niya. Hindi ako makahinga nang maayos.
Pinilit kong hawakan ang mukha niya at iniharap ko ito sa ‘kin. “Oo selfless ka, but don’t say that, okay? Hindi sila magagalit sa ‘yo… Pero…” hindi ko na naman maituloy ang sasabihin ko nang lumuha na naman ang mga mata ko.
“H-hindi ko kayang mawala ka, Bea. Mahal na mahal kita, kaya please… lumaban ka naman para sa ‘min.” my voice was cracked.
“Tapos na ang laban, Josh… ouchh… Mahal, ang sakit…” Bigla na lamang siyang napasigaw dahil sa sobrang sakit.
And there, I bursted into tears. I immediately carried her and brought her to the nearest hospital. I saw how her vision clouded as soon as my hands left her body to give her over to the nurses, and she passed out.
Ang sabi ng doctor ay malala na raw ang cancer niya at hindi na ito madadala ng kahit na anong gamot dahil maghihintay pa ng dalawang buwan bago simulan ang gamutan. Pagkatapos niya manganak.
Right after two months, she gave birth to our two angels, but sadly, after a few more months, hindi niya na rin nakayanan.
Sumuko na siya… iniwan niya na ako. Iniwan niya na kami.
It took me a few months before I could recover from her death. Binigay ko nalang lahat ng atensyon ko sa kambal ko. I still remember what she said to me before she died.
“Magmahal ka ulit. Bigyan mo ng ina ang mga anak natin, Josh. Hindi ako magagalit.”
But I couldn’t…
And I don’t want to because she was the only one I love and I already save a place of her in my heart that no one can ever replace.
THE END
WORK OF FICTION
Photo credits to the rightful owner.
Words by: John Cruz