MY BOYFRIEND IS A KILLER.
“L-Love… buntis ako…”
Pushing those words out of my mouth felt like something sucked all the energy out of me. My palms were sweaty and my heart was beating so mad against my chest.
Nanghihina akong napatingin kay Lawrence at kita ko ang pagkabigla sa mga mata niya.
“Y-You’re pregnant?” The innocence in his voice pained me even more.
“L-Love… panindigan mo ako please..” I desperately squeezed his hands as hot tears pushed their way out of my eyes down to my cheeks.
“Hey…” He suddenly wrapped my shaking body around his arms as he tried to calm me.
“Paninindigan ko ang bata, okay? I know it would be hard for us because we are only seventeen years old pero nangyari na ‘yan, eh. Wala na tayong magagawa,” he whispered gently.
With his words of reassurance, it somehow lift the heavy load resting on my chest. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa lalamunan.
Napayakap ako sa kaniya nang wala sa oras at doon lang lumuwang ang paghinga ko.
Before I could even announce my pregnancy, I’ve already perceived this coming. Alam kong papanindigan ako ni Lawrence anuman ang mangyari sa akin.
Lawrence came from a well-bred family and him acting as a real man is no longer new to me.
He has so much high-respect with women. He knows how to value the worth of every woman’s heart and he hated so much whenever a woman cries— be it his relatives, in his circles or me, his girlfriend.
Tama siya, hindi naging madali ang pagbubuntis ko.
We had to give up everything— our studies, our dreams and even our teenage life.
Not to mention those vile words and brazen judgements we have received from our parents and the people around us.
But thanks to Lawrence for being there for me. Dahil sa mga nangyayari, he just proven himself that he’s indeed a real man.
If it’s hard on my part, I know that Lawrence also had a fair share on our misery.
Since he’s an undergraduate who holds no degree or diploma, he ended up working as a construction worker.
Saksi ako sa mga paghihirap na pinagdaanan ni Lawrence. Minsan pa’y pinagtatawanan siya ng mga barkada niya na ngayo’y umuusad na sa buhay habang siya ay nanatiling naliligo sa pawis at dumi may maipakain lang sa mag-ina niya.
We tried to move in a small boarding house but it only took us three months to stay there because his salary wasn’t enough to pay our bills.
Kaya kahit gustuhin man ni Lawrence na bumukod kami ay wala kaming nagawa kundi ang makitira na lang sa mga magulang ko.
My mother hated me at first for staining our family’s reputation but mother is still a mother no matter what.
So in the end, her and my father welcomed us in the house with wide open arms.
After nine months, I successfully gave birth on our first baby.
It was a girl.
Believe me, it was my first time seeing my man cried while carrying the tiny life that connects both of us.
Hindi ko siya nakitang umiyak no’ng kasagsagan ng paghihirap namin, but when he saw our cute little angel, he bursted into tears.
I’ve never seen him that vulnerable and soft in my entire life.
“Hindi pa ‘to lumalabas sa tiyan mo, mahal na mahal ko na ‘to,” wika niya habang karga-karga ang baby namin.
I couldn’t help but to cry harder.
As our baby grew older, Lawrence invested all his time in working just to provide a better life for us. Pinasukan niya na ang iba’t-ibang klase ng trabaho, may maipakain lang siya sa amin at may ipantustos sa pag-aaral ng anak naming si Ysabelle.
After 16 years, our daughter grew up so beautifully and I thought everything would fall into right places not until…
“Ma… Pa… b-buntis ako…”
Upon hearing what my daughter said, it felt my whole world collapsed right through my eyes.
Napalingon ako kay Lawrence at kita ko ang panginginig ng mga kamao niya, ang pangangatal ng kaniyang mga labi at ang labis na galit na lumalabas sa sistema niya.
I couldn’t control my emotions any longer. And there, I cried.
Bigla kong nakita ang aking mukha sa anak ko at alam kong magiging pareho kami ng kapalaran.
“Wala ka na rin palang pinagkaiba sa ina mo,” bulyaw ni Mama sa anak ko.
Napatingin ako sa gawi ni Papa at hindi na ako nagulat kung wala siyang pakialam sa mga nangyayari.
I thought it was the only bad news I will hear that day but when the midnight came, Lawrence came in our room while holding a knife with a blood stained on his shirt.
And the next words he uttered brought me goosebumps.
“L-Love… Nakapatay ako…”
He took a deep breathe as he continued.
“I killed your father.”
Hindi ko kinaya ang narinig ko atsaka ako napabagsak sa sahig.
“Mamatay-tao ka!” Sunod kong narinig ang...

mga hikbi at sigaw ni mama hanggang sa unti-unti kong naririnig ang sasakyan ng mga police.
For one day, I received three horrible news.
First, my daughter who got impregnated at the age of sixteen. Second, my boyfriend killed my father. And last, my father died.
And it was all enough to shatter my heart completely. Para na akong mababaliw.
After how many years, my daughter has now a cute daughter while Lawrence was sentenced into life imprisonment.
Hanggang ngayon, may hinanakit pa rin ako sa kaniya kung bakit niya napatay ang aking ama.
And the love that I once felt for him was replaced by deep anger.
I just couldn’t love a man who killed my own father!
That’s why, I decided to get married with another life and had a brand new start with him.
And now, I went to the jail just to pay a visit to Lawrence. Nagbabakasakali pa rin akong makakuha ako ng sagot kung bakit niya pinatay si Papa.
“Why are you here?” he asked coldly.
Napayuko ako nang makita ang kalagayan niya.
He looked so old, broken, alone and in despair.
“Why did you do it?” panimula ko.
He just laughed painfully. “Among all of us, ikaw dapat ang unang nakakaalam no’n.”
That sent a shiver down my spine.
“This world is cruel, Tessa. Sometimes to defeat evil, you have to be more evil,” he laughed.
“Lawrence, napag-usapan na natin ‘yon ‘di ba? Matagal ko na siyang napatawad!”
“Pero inulit niya na naman!” sigaw niya.
“A-Anong ibig mong sabihin?”
“Inulit na naman ng Papa mo ang ginawa niya sa ‘yo, Tessa! At alam mo kung sino na naman ang sinunod niyang biktima?”
Napahalakhak siya.
“ANG ANAK MO!”
Tuluyan na akong nanigas sa posisyon ko.
“GINAHASA NIYA ANG ANAK MO KAYA SIYA NABUNTIS!”
There, he started crying.
“GINAWA NIYA NA ‘YAN SA ‘YO NO’NG UMPISA PA LANG KAYA KA NGA NABUNTIS ‘DI BA?” Pagak siyang natawa. “YOU CARRIED YOUR FATHER’S BABY AND NOW, YOUR DAUGHTER HAS THE SAME FATE WITH YOU!”
Huminga ng malalim si Lawrence atsaka siya tuluyang napaluha sa harap ko.
“KUNG SINO MAN ANG DAPAT NA MAGALIT NGAYON, AKO ‘YON! KUNG SINO MAN ANG DAPAT NA MAY SAMA NG LOOB NGAYON, AKO RIN ‘YON! TANGINA, TESSA! TINANGGAP KITA AT ‘YANG ANAK MO SA AMA MO! INAKO KO ANG OBLIGASIYON NA HINDI KO NAMAN GINAWA KASI AYOKONG MAPAHIYA KA SA MGA TAO! GINAWA KO ANG LAHAT MAPROTEKTAHAN KA LANG!”
Tuluyan ng napahikbi si Lawrence sa harap ko.
“I GAVE UP MY DREAMS AND EVEN SUPPORT YOU BECAUSE I LOVED YOU, TESSA!”
Iyak lamang ng iyak si Lawrence na parang bata.
“NO’NG NALAMAN KONG GINAHASA KA NG AMA MO, SOBRANG KATING-KATI NA AKONG PATAYIN SIYA PERO NAISIP KITA AT ANG MARARAMDAMAN NG INA MO! PERO PUTANGINA! BAKIT INULIT NIYA NA NAMAN? ALAM MO KUNG GAANO KO KAMAHAL ‘YANG ANAK MO KAHIT HINDI KO NAMAN ‘YAN KADUGO! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I VALUE YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER, TESSA! AND YOU KNOW THAT I WOULD FUCKING RAISE HELL IF SOMEONE HURTS THE TWO OF YOU!”
Lawrence stared me in the eyes while crying and it was enough to break my heart into pieces.
“L-Lawrence… I’m sorry…” hikbi ko.
“I sacrificed everything for you, Tessa. I SACRIFICED EVEN MY LIFE! Dapat ngayon, may sarili na akong pamilya. Siguro dapat ngayon, kasal na ako. Siguro, isa na akong Engineer. Siguro, matagal ko nang naabot ang mga pangarap ko. Siguro, may maganda na akong bahay! Siguro, nakatulong ako sa pamilya ko,” he smiled weakly. “Pero wala, eh. Inuna kita…”
Mapait siyang napahalakhak hanggang sa muli itong napaluha.
“Sobrang awang-awa na ako sa sarili ko, Tessa. Like, do I deserve all of these? Is it a mistake to love you more than myself? Is it a mistake to care for you more than my own feelings?”
That rendered me speechless. Hikbi lamang ang naitugon ko sa kaniya.
“Sorry self, ha? Sorry kung mas inuna ko ‘yong iba.” He kept on punching his chest while crying.
“Sorry kung pinabayaan kita para lang sa ibang tao.”
“Rence… tama na please..”
With teary eyes, Lawrence looked at me with so much pain.
“Congrats pala sa wedding niyo ng asawa mo ngayon.” He wiped the tears in his eyes and smiled weakly.
“May you live peacefully, l-love…”
L-Love… He just called me on our endearment?
Hindi ko alam ba’t napaluha akong muli.
“Mauuna na ako…”
Agad akong tumalikod kasi hindi ko na kaya ‘yong hapdi sa dibdib ko pero nakakailang hakbang pa lamang ako ay muli akong napahikbi dahil sa sinabi ni Lawrence.
“L-Love, if you are asking me if I regret what I did to your father? Honestly, no. Because if killing him is the only way to give you and your daughter a justice, then I’m happy to do that.”
He smiled weakly and for the last time, he cried.
“I am proud to be called as a murderer for killing a rapist and saving my girls.”